First of all I'm sorry in advance for saying "I'm sorry" so much...

I'm sorry I let you down. I wanted to give you my all, but I was too afraid. I'm afraid to ask myself if I love you. I'm afraid for it to be true. I know it's true. I know I can give you my all and that scares me.

You must think I'm an empty shell of a person. You should know that you're wrong. That's who I used to be. In my past. But I've grown since then.

We could have been so good. I was just too afraid. And I never told you. I wasn't afraid to tell you though. I could have been so good to you.

I took you for granted.

But you were my first 'everything.' It was all so surreal. I felt like I didn't deserve it, so I didn't know what to do with it. You didn't seem real to me. I didn't seem real to me.

You know I wish I didn't leave. But you don't know that I wished for you to stop me from leaving. But life isn't cinematic romance, is it?

I was afraid to fall in love with you (though I wanted to so badly) because I knew when the day came that you didn't want me anymore it would hurt too much. I knew I couldn't handle it. I would have spent my days being every which way melodramatic and pathetic, like a nineteenth century French novel.

I haven't cried over you, though I probably should empty myself of you. I can't break down because I know how hard it is to pick myself back up. I've done it many times throughout my life, but I don't think I have the energy. Not now.

I wonder if when you hear a song it makes you think of me. Because every time I hear a song I'm reminded of you. And I like it. Though I know I probably shouldn't.

I want to listen to all your music and swim in their tied emotions. Just for a day. But I don't.

I'm not fucked up. I'm broken.

I've been putting the pieces of myself back together for years now. You could have been one of the strongest pieces to fit. So perfect.

I've always been a dreamer. I've always gripped onto hope, so tightly that my emotions bleed. I've been hoping that you miss me. That you want to love me. Before I used to be into romanticism, but now I'm into realism. I snap out of it and tell myself, "you idiot, he doesn't care about you anymore." And then I stop hoping and know to stop hoping is for the best.

I miss you everyday. I think about you too much.

Sometimes I'll fantasize about a future we'd have together. A life made for me and you. But like I said.... *snap.*

I miss everything about you. To me, you are perfect. I didn't see any flaws in you. I could have been bitter that you saw so many in me, but I didn't. I don't hold it against you. I don't want to hold anything against you. I think you think of me with regret, as a waste of time and energy. But I still don't hold it against you.

When I think of you....I think of you with fondness. Always.

To me, you feel like home. When I'm with you I feel like I belong. Like I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

I'm sorry I tested your patience. It wasn't my intention. I wish you didn't have to leave first. I wish we both could have stayed.

I heard something about how a man wishes to be a woman's first love and how a woman wishes to be a man's last love.

To put it bluntly, I don't want anyone but you.

Tu me manques terriblement.