I've always wanted a telescope.

When I was little and first learned about the constellations, I was fascinated. From then on I would love finding half of a constellation, cause that's all I could find. Always Orion's belt. Or his shoulders.

I loved watching the stars shine. To me, they had no purpose. There was nothing significant about. They lived until they died. They lived so much that the only respectable way to go was to explode.

Now when I look at stars, I think of that juxtaposition. How I saw them as a little girl and how I see them now.

Today, when I look out into the starry night, I see the future without seeing it at all. That I am in another place, at another time, looking at the same stars. Searching for Orion. Happy even if I can only see a part of him. But the point is that I'll be looking at it from another world, from a new life.

Everything will be alright. Everything will. Because I know that I will be free. Something will carry me away. Something will give me the life that I want, the life that's the complete opposite of what it is now. And that will make me happy. I know it won't keep me happy for the rest of my life, but for however long it is willing to last for me, I'll be happy. Sometime. Everything will be alright.

Maybe I'm wired to be a night owl for a reason. Everything is meant to be for a reason, isn't it? I need daily reminders that everything will be alright. Because recently I've been breaking down too frequently, easily forgetting, easily getting distracting, being led astray from hope. I think it's meant to be that at this time at night, when the breeze is gentle and the air is light, the stars are shining for me, telling me everything will be alright. I will see them in a new way, in a new light. One day.

Everything will be alright.