Forgive me. I've never felt this before. I felt too many things at once and I couldn't categorize them. Every little thing you did gave me feelings I needed to analyze, but couldn't.

I needed to decipher what it all meant to me. That's why it was difficult for me to react to them. The emotions weren't the easy one-worded ones, like "happiness" or "love." They were deeper and more complex. It was all the little things you did that brought all these emotions.

Like the way you look at me, the way you move, the way your lips move when you talk, the way you talk, every little thing you say, the way you walk, how you act, when you're quiet for a beat, when you're loud, the lingering moments in between everything you do. They each bring dozens of different feelings out of me, all at once, in a rush. They leave me breathless, in awe. You're incredibly interesting; every little thing you do, every little thing you are.

Like your sickening eyes (le sigh - every time I look into them; every single fucking time...), your long thick lashes, you texting, you on the computer, how you call it "computader" like a retard, how you move to your music - your head down...moving side to side, you dancing in the car, how you quietly sing in spanish, your callousy hands, your dirty shoes, your handkerchief in your back pocket, your stupid belt, the stupid way you say "stupid," how you hold a cup of coffee, how you inhale when you're smoking, your spitting sarcasm, your unapologetic boldness, your laugh, your voice, your scent, your taste, your touch, your old spice deodorant, how your words trail when you're looking for the right ones, the lines at the corner of your eyes that crinkle when you smile or laugh...

I was trying to take it all in; take you all in.

I was in your world, observing you. I wanted so badly to fit in, to be able to live in all those little moments of you with all those little things. I miss all of them. I miss all of you.

I know what I need now. I need a man I can trust. I need someone to love. I need you.